Too Timid to speak up to be heard

Too timid to speak up to be heard, but one of these good ole days just maybe I'll have the nerve. Too timid for no reason and I have been trying to break out, its been 26 years but still nothing comes out. If I wasnt too timid then maybe these words would come out. "Ok family lets sit down and have a talk, since none of you have really told me what my mom was about. Was it me that really killed her was I like one too many cause it was 10 of yall before me and she was still living. When I ask about her death yall all tell me heart problems but wasnt she pretty young, was that really the problem? Was my dad really my dad? Did yall just say he was cuz he wouldnt be accountable since he had passed.Truth be told all of yall look just alike and me not so much, I have held this in long enough but now it's getting tough. Did yall know that the lady who babysat me told me something different? Yup, it went something like this (Did they ever tell you who your dad was?) Did she understand what that did to me, DID SHE EVEN REALIZE?! Those jacked up words really took me by suprise! Somebody need to explain this, quick give me an answer!" OH WAIT! NO ONE ANSWERED CUZ I'M TOO TIMID TO EVEN TELL EM.......