When He Left

CATEGORY

life

when someone leaves
it is so loud
so personal
so silent

a deafening emptiness
that has a middle ear
only you can hear

you
are
not coming back

you
are
never coming back

I have to know that

right

So

there will never be
a necessary you and me

3 am’s are the worst
pleading for peace

you remember I said
that’s when time
goes to sleep

the in between time
when moments cease

when yesterday gave up tomorrow

Still

I miss
the fragrance of your pleasure
a voice that satisfies

the vapor of a long distance string
that did not know
it was holding together
a life that would never be

But

your vibrations
are all around still
velvet passionate silver raindrops

they linger

knowing
me

finding
me

I know
you rarely think of we

you moved up and I moved around

Still you

a most beautiful drug
now a humiliating habit

Now

I creep

for a stranger

not to worry
they said
social media
is not a danger

profile up
smile for the camera
cry into the wine

hurry you don’t have much time

we have become
the victim of the monster

and now
the monster to the victim

feeling hysterical
in a smiling room of misery

Hoping he

will provide
the ultimate surrender

of the first shot
the last shot

that
crippled me

and my pride

but still I quench
the jagged edges

needing to survive
the nights

when there are no
safe ledges

doesn’t have to be quality
just a momentary remembrance
that satisfies the pain

just so I might cry with some dignity
when I stand lonely in the rain

please just find the trace
the touch
he left all over hours of me

I am lost in a pirouette
far off away into his source

Wondering

where is this place
that all love lost really goes

if love never dies
I would want to visit there
and apologize

So

what happens to the lover
who is not ready

to walk alone