Heartache

Superficial tears remain ignored
I expected some fragility over time
But unbeknownst to their depth
Relief sparingly visited.

Tears graduating to full rips
Required stronger medication
While building scar tissue
Allowing me to sleep through the night.

Sometimes.

Slow motion time lapsed hallucinations
Resets time over and over again
I return to my slumber once more
As nightmares resume their chase.

In this one particular dream
I can’t even see my own face.
Who is this in my reflection?
Why doesn’t she look like me?

How can this be?
Skin tone and features are identical
Movements and gestures are mimicked
I swear it’s someone else,

My heart mosaically shatters
Wrenching in pain,
Blindly enraged I yell
It’s not meeeeeeee!!!!!

And it was with the deafening sound
Of shattering glass that sat me
Straight up out of my sleep
Sweating, heart pounding and all.

Fed up with the constant pain
Of the back and forth, the up and down
In and out, stalemate after stalemate
It’s time for this to end.

Right here, right now
This heartache has to stop
For the sake of my sanity
And wellbeing.

I look over to my mirror
And saw it was me
I could feel it
It’s time to move on.

5/22 LP45