Cold Blooded

CATEGORY

life

Ice in my veins, goosebumps on my skin, stress all over my face matching the mood im in. I never let u down, always remained loyal, gave u love that these pesants couldnt give. Im not defined by motherhood, im defined by who i am as a whole, all in all im human and i realize how the world can be so cold, no just males, or family or friends, all these snakes got more burdens than any sin. I reach out, speak out, remain humble, always caring, always do right by others, giving in to pleasing others. Such a damn people pleaser it burns my nerves. I took my heart and set it aside, put my conscious on mute and my feelings on ice, nice i am or used to be, been in so much pain sometimes i feel like im loosing me, every time i heal and refine me, others that know im real and theyre fake and hurt me intentionally. Not everyone is against me but how do i know the difference aside of the fake mask they show me. I feel like venting, this may sound harsh, but dammit f#$& them all. Damn, how many times can i learn not to trust others but not wanting to be alone, no place to call home, no friends i call my own, no place to freely roam without traffic bumper to bumper,its life i guess. This venom in my chest has to leave, my purpose ain filled yet. Negative energy dragging me, i wanna cry i walk around with a frown the crap they teach us about this world as if its a happy place as kids, sets em up for failure everyday we live. Im trying to vent, i have aches and pains in my chest, i get pissed off like the rest. I hold my feelings in and know they eat my alive, seeing my baby the first and last time, i don't condone what i did but i did what i thought would be better for my child, now it (fetus) is gone and im hollow inside. I feel robbed of my joy, robbed of my peace, violated from my head to my feet. I question my existence and the title of mother that god gave me cus i never had a family. Now im bitter some days and some days im happy, i understand there will be some things i cant control but still happen...