Questions

CATEGORY

life

Can nothing mend the pain I hold so dearly to?

Can nothing bequeath this flame I wish to diminish within an already burning soul?

A plague of bad vibes are my only company as I take a stand alongside myself

To witness betrayal for I am not strong enough to stand on my own.

Why do I doubt my abilities and most of all why do I doubt my own blessings?

Taken away are happiness I dive deep into a mind riddled with questions with known answers,

Searching high and low for new ones,

 But there are no where to be found for there is only true one answer.

Why must I question my loyalty to God when He has already done so much for me?

Why must I constantly tell myself that His Love will never leave and yet I feel that He has left me?

A diluted question for His Love is eternal.

The Love trapped in my heart pleads for freedom from my animosity,

flapping its powerful wings only to struggle against a formidable foe fueled by my self pity.

A simple whisper, "Forgive me my Love." as I take matters into my own damaged hands to fight

Against an enemy that it far stronger than I.

God?

Are you there?

Answer me for I feel not your presence.

To the ends of my mind I have searched for solutions only to find one,

And that is to stay near to you.

Why?

Why do I take my life into my own hands knowing that I will be defeated each time?

Why must I phyically conquer myself and look for pity from others only to be ignored?

Why must I hurt those who love because of my selfish desires to get what I want?

Upon my knees I beg of you to forgive me only to committ the same act I previously did.

Am I not giving it my all?

Tears I shed for all to see and yet....and yet...they feel so empty and impure.

Forgive me for I am praying unjustly.

Hear my heart for it screams for healing.

I am my worst enemy as I defeat myself at each turn.

I am only human, and yet...and yet...What is to become of me if I continue along this path of destruction?

The fear of not finding the One you have set aside torments  me so for I know she is right behind me,

And yet....and yet....her presence I do not feel.

Heavenly Father, each day I live in regret.

When will I truly live?

Impatience is an ally I wish not to associate myself with,

but impatient ways I've grown accustomed to already.

Am I truly saved?

Or am I living a double life deciding which master to fully serve?

In Heaven where you reside Lord show me my path so I may step upon it,

For the path I am currently on is not where I want to be any longer.

I am weary.....so very weary.

What tomorrow holds for me I wish not to know.

Through these words I hope that it reaches you Lord

For the questions that invaded my mind I wish to fully understand them...

Guide me.