It's Not Rape

CATEGORY

life

Her voice cracked
The podium stood still.
“It’s not rape if you get paid for it”
This was her opening line
That demanded the attention of so many eyes
She continued.
“I wrote this poem to say I forgive you”

“It’s not rape if you get paid for it”
Words shouted into my soul after every incident
It started with your boyfriend
He told me he wanted me to know what love was
I begged him not to love me
He stroked his manhood into my innocence
Until I came out of my innocent nut
My bed sheets stained by a punctured cherry
You washed the guilt away for some pay

I pleaded for you to love me
“You said it isn’t rape if you get high from it”
The only time you told me I was beautiful
Was after the powder blurred your vision
The local dope dealer
Dealt you an ultimatum you couldn’t refuse
In exchange for dividing my legs
He would multiply your euphoria
Add in a bonus if I called him daddy
Subtract any guilt of soberness with a quick fix
A simple order of operations

I am the product of molestation
The apple doesn’t fall far the tree
The seeds left in the soil flourish new incidents
The day after your wedding, two years after daddy passed
You told me tonight I’d become a woman
Decorated my bath with roses
The candles burned
His hands on my shoulders singed the rest of my youth
I can still feel the candle wax burning at my will to fight as he spoke to me
I operated as your machine
Figuring if I was poked enough times
You’d see the craters in my beauty and love me
I came out of my innocent nut

My cousin told me about your funeral
I sometimes wish I could have went
Your grand daughter has your eyes
She ran up to me crying the other day
Told me the story of how a four year old in her preschool class
Put his hand on her thigh and told her
“It isn’t wrong if you like it”
She claimed she felt violated so she punched him in the eye
I hugged her and told her she was beautiful
I realized then that no matter how you spin the tale of wool
You use to cover someone’s eyes from the ugly truth
Rape is never beautiful
It will always be considered rape, mom.

©Paris “Chi” Butler, “It’s Not Rape”. 6/6/2013.