Be Great

CATEGORY

life

I want you to be happy 

I want your eyes to light up like the skies do during a warm summers night in the backwoods overlooking the mountains 

I want your heart to flutter and your excitement to overflow like a child’s sprit when they finally get that reward for being...simply great

I just want that...for you

I took the brunt of it all

Overcame the obstacles and battled within my being on and off throughout the years

Told myself that this form of love is an honor a privilege to even experience 

My soul would rise up high beyond my waistline

And rain down from the my thoughts like ashes from this massive volcano that resides upon the shoulders of my frame...

And be reduced to black rocks....and slush by my tears...but these were the tears you could never see 

You will never see the growth that was occurring beneath the gravity of the weight that you constantly place down upon me 

The sweat and tears that escaped from every pore of my being every time we would disagree and taint the earth that grew yet another weed underneath the base were I rest my feet

The pressure was too great 

And the pain was not as easy to hide but I did my best because...

You wanted greatness and I wanted happinesses...and that was really it

It was my fault for promising to be great

My fault for telling you that I was happy and that you meant the world too me

I will take that blame and hold it like a badge of honor because at one point when I told you that I loved you, while holding up my small beaten down heart

I meant exactly that

You made me feel as if I were walking upon water 

Like I could really dance upon the sunlight

Like the rainbow actually had a pot of gold at the end of it and I was prepared to battle anyone who was willing to prove me wrong 

And after almost four years of me hearing that I love you

And I need to fix you, but not necessarily change you. 

But you could be so much better

And I don’t want you just here...but right here

It just became too much 

So I apologize for not being the man that you have always wanted

The canvas that you would have created a masterpiece out of

I apologize for returning when I should have stood my ground and challenged you when you said that you would take your life if I were to leave you.

I should have been more of a gambling man.

I should have been a better fighter

A man of honor 

That force that I believe that we all have deep within our souls 

That we only seem to tap into when we have finally depleted our last option

I should have been great

I should have reserved some part of me and tucked it away 

I should have done many things except stayed

Yet here I am

Putting on this charade

Contemplating within my mind

Telling myself that this is going to be the last time, you have got to get out now.

Mama has already said if you pray hard enough God will remove them out of your life

And although life was who I used to blame, these days I find that very hard to do

Because there is still apart of me that wants to see you happy

To see those lights shine bright within your eyes

Like the stars do on a warm summers night in the backwoods overlooking the mountains 

I truly do want your heart to flutter with excitement and overflow like a child’s sprit when they finally get that reward for being...simply great

I really and truly want that...for you

But I need that as well

Just without...you