sorry for killing you

CATEGORY

life

 Today was a bad day, I can see it in your eyes, its all over your face, I hear it in your lies. Its been almost 3 years, since you’ve had a good day. You don’t remember. What its like not to cry everyday. You’ve convinced yourself. You're not ready to die today. But suicide is a thought that never leaves your mind. Cause you feel trapped in this world that you’ve so far failed to find. A place that's comforting or a friend that’s bind. Everydays a struggle, but you keep a smile, people ask how you are, but its been awhile. since you’ve told the truth. Cause you know they don’t care. They’re just being nice, polite and aware. Of your presence and existence. Its not like they want to sit and take the time to witness. Another human being who struggles thru the days. Mayb not like you do but similar in ways. Cause no ones perfect, but that don’t mean you ain’t worth it. Now here I am. Makin you feel opposite of perfect. Your struggling today. I'm sittin down eatin. Havin a good day. Then you walk by me and. I look at you like were not the same. My friends say you're lame. I start judging you. I have no shame. I make a comment cuz your shirt don’t match your shoes. It’s 3 in the afternoon and you reek of booze. Instead of make up. Your left eye’s covered in a black and blue bruise. At this point I feel like I got nothing to lose. Cause this is just a game….right? let me give you a flash of news. You're WRONG. Even the little things. Affect others. My cell phone rings. Its my brother. I laugh, I smile. While you stand in the isle. Don’t know what to say, how to feel. Cause I mocked you while. I knew you were hurting. And you’ve bout run out of ways to deal. With the pain. You’re thinking, if only she knew. Damn she’s vain. But you don’t know me and I don’t know you. I don’t know your pain or what you go thru. But I know I didn’t help. I just added to. And somehow I'm mad at you. Cause I'm mad at myself. I could have been the one. To take the time. To not be a b*tch. To make sure you’re fine. But I did the opposite. Now 3 days passed. Woke up this morning, so happy so great. I heard some girl passed. Didn’t recognize the name. But I couldn’t get past. Her face. I used to see her around all the time. She usually always smiled. But I could tell she had a depressed mind. When I saw her I compiled. A list in my head. Of things I didn’t like. Sometimes said them outloud. Like it was obvious and right. You were part of a crowd. That I was proud I was not. But what does that say about me when I know nothin about you. except that you had pain. Maybe no friends. You were going insane. After that night. 3 days ago. Thoughts of killing yourself finalized in your brain. Can I blame myself for your death? I didn’t even kno you. Did my cruel words take your last breath? Or were you too far gone. I still think I could have helped you. I didn’t have to kill you. I could have helped you. I should have been nice. Next time I see someone. I will think twice. I want to be your friend. I want to be there for you. I want to try and mend. The pain I’ve caused you. because I've been doing this to you for 3 years. And I didn’t even know your name. Until I saw it under my tears. Next to your face. Under which read. Girl of only 21 years. Dead.