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Grew up without ever questioning your word
I once walked as a soldier
Shoulder to shoulder
With this fleet
Met with moments of turmoil
But never defeat
I could recite every word from your book
As if you were speaking through me
Then I grew older
Undoubtedly colder
From the world that I’m in
I tore my heart from my sleeve!
That one rainy night
(In October)
Alone and weak-
I recall sitting in silence
Frozen from watching the blood
Saturate the sheets
That wound never healed
I keep it open as a reminder
To only trust in what’s real
I look back at my old poetry..
Nearly every write praised you
What changed?
Did I distance myself
Or are you displaced?
You know what fears to destroy me with
I’m certain you’ll use it as ammunition
In your spiritual trench
You’ll spite me for turning my back
Instead of praising me
For the time I spent at your feet
Maybe I can feel you trying to reach out
The way you used to
My heart rarely trusts
You know me but you don’t-
I’m not who I once was
It’s impossible not to doubt
(Everything is flawed) and
If I’m made in your image
That means YOU’RE one of us
How can I refrain from anger
When you set that example
So long ago?
Since you’re the Alpha and the Omega
You can’t blame me for following
The natural order
That you created
Don’t tell me I’ll know love
Without experiencing hatred
You broke the mold right?
You’re the creator..
I don’t require proof
Just help me understand who you are
I know you exist
Still
It’s likely I’ll question whatever it is
Maybe there’s no real answers
Just open-ended sentences
“Food-for-thought”
Magical myths-
Wrapped up beautifully
In empty promises
I’m not bitter
Just relentless
Exhausted with the failed attempts to
Open my eyes again
Don’t tell me I wasn’t gifted enough
To receive your vision
I walked with you in my innocence
Before I breathed my own life
Into existence
Now here I stand
With spirituality manifested
No longer the desire for perfection
I reject those lessons!
Yes it’s a discipline to practice
The art of meditation
Where self-reliance meets
Self-preservation.
My prayers were wasted
Defenseless against temptation
Until the proclamation
Of my attainment
Rendered ageless
Caught in a time warp chasing pages
From that book sinful men penned
Am I supposed to find comfort in demons?
That’s the threat!
Each time you spoke I had my ear pressed
Where your holy lips met
I rejoiced in your salvation
Without living with regret
Until one day you left me for dead
I haven’t looked back since!
This time I rely on the energy
That perceives me
I’m the master that keeps the pendulum swinging
Today I’ll toast to new beginnings.
Written By: Desir'ee Chavez
