You Wasnt Perfect.

You wasn't perfect

And I still sometimes question God why you couldn't just get a happy ending cause throughout all the bull you had to endure I felt you deserve it

But no, you just had to go out that way

And I know I'll never get an answer until I talk to God face to face

And ask "Why Lord?"

"What did he do to deserve the cancer and what did I do for you to give me the feeling as if I was pierced with a sword?

Did I not go to church enough or pray loud?

Was it that I just couldn't appreciate the earth cause I was too busy looking at clouds?

Was it because I let things like pornography and social media occupy my hands 

Instead of picking up my bible and reading the laws you set forth for the people on the land?"

I wonder.

And Lord I love you but I need these answers

Like why you chose to create these cancers?

And why my dad? After I kept my faith

Praying and staying in the gap for him, Lord was it a waste?

Would you have kept him here longer if I prayed longer?

Would you have fed the disease something else if I had more of a spiritual hunger?

Would you have cured him if clapped louder at church?

If I would have did things better in all categories, would there have been a different result?

You wasn't perfect

And just know that today and everyday going forth, I'll  be thankful for it.