18000
You wasn't perfect
And I still sometimes question God why you couldn't just get a happy ending cause throughout all the bull you had to endure I felt you deserve it
But no, you just had to go out that way
And I know I'll never get an answer until I talk to God face to face
And ask "Why Lord?"
"What did he do to deserve the cancer and what did I do for you to give me the feeling as if I was pierced with a sword?
Did I not go to church enough or pray loud?
Was it that I just couldn't appreciate the earth cause I was too busy looking at clouds?
Was it because I let things like pornography and social media occupy my hands
Instead of picking up my bible and reading the laws you set forth for the people on the land?"
I wonder.
And Lord I love you but I need these answers
Like why you chose to create these cancers?
And why my dad? After I kept my faith
Praying and staying in the gap for him, Lord was it a waste?
Would you have kept him here longer if I prayed longer?
Would you have fed the disease something else if I had more of a spiritual hunger?
Would you have cured him if clapped louder at church?
If I would have did things better in all categories, would there have been a different result?
You wasn't perfect
And just know that today and everyday going forth, I'll be thankful for it.
