204800
The pain of knowing you’re
Going to lose someone
Hits hard from time to time.
It’s like I know it’s happening,
But I can’t get my head around it.
Reality is steadily moving but
Everything seems so surreal.
I say that because for me
It’s been coming in like
Waves in the ocean,
Some you can withstand,
Where others knock you down.
But you get back up, shake it off and
Move on like there’s no pain.
And with each notification given,
It hurts different every time,
But I have to do it for him.
Sometimes everything seems impossible
Like your mind is going a thousand
Miles a minute but you’re getting nowhere.
Then there’s that one God sent Rock
That has your six, your 12,
Your 3 and your 9 24/7,
And comes whenever you need.
They are the most appreciated
And rarest gem on the planet.
They are what keeps me going so
There’s no other choice for me
But to muster the strength and
Do what needs to be done while
Keeping vigil until the end
Of the final moment
And his soul has ascended.
Writing and music have been my
Buffers for the hard hitting waves
Along with laughter and reminiscent
Moments with lifelong friends.
Locals setting off fireworks
Aid with normalcy even though
A startle or two arises.
Reassurance of what’s going on
Settles him back down.
As visitors come and go,
I urge them to speak to him
As if he was awake since
The voice recognition is still there.
Responding only with sounds
And mouth movements brings
A bittersweet smile to our faces
Allowing us to better appreciate
The lives we still have to live.
It’s time to prepare
The service arrangements.
Programs, number of guests, food.
Date, time and location.
When it’s all said and done
As the sun sets on his last day
And everyone has gone home,
For the first time in 33 years
I’ll be returning home alone to
An empty place ending one chapter
And beginning another
Now to deal with life without him
Will become my everyday norm.
This will definitely take some
Getting used to.
Rest easy dear, I love you.
Albert L. Smalls, 12/5/54 – 7/9/21
By Juanita J. Smalls 7/4-5/21
